From OdoLover@swlink.net Thu Feb 20 21:43:32 1997 Return-Path: Received: from bambam.swlink.net (root@bambam.swlink.net [204.252.163.69]) by mail6 (8.6.13/Netcom) id VAA18503; Thu, 20 Feb 1997 21:43:28 -0800 Received: from www.swlink.net (ip-153.swlink.net [204.252.163.153]) by bambam.swlink.net (8.8.5/8.8.5) with ESMTP id WAA18480 for ; Thu, 20 Feb 1997 22:39:34 -0700 Message-Id: <199702210539.WAA18480@bambam.swlink.net> From: "OdoLover/Judith Macquinn" To: "Aleph Press" Subject: Submission/"Healing A Broken Heart" - O/K adult DS9 Date: Thu, 20 Feb 1997 22:39:00 -0800 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Priority: 3 X-Mailer: Microsoft Internet Mail 4.70.1155 Status: O Healing a Broken Heart written by Judith Macquinn (OdoLover@swlink.net) ADULT DS9 - NC-17. Sex, m/f, h/c, an Odo/Kira 'what-if?' -------------------------------------------- Comments, questions and rave (or rabid) reviews may be sent to: OdoLover@SWLink.net DISCLAIMER: This non-profit material was produced out of love for Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and it's characters, and is not intended to infringe upon the Star Trek copyrights of Viacom, Paramount Pictures Corporation, nor those of any other legal holders of Star Trek copyrights. -------------------------------------------- NOTE: Odo is still human in this particular DS9 universe, but otherwise everything else is status quo. Blame TPTB for suddenly changing him back before I could finish a handful of Odo-as-Human fanfics I'd already started... -------------------------------------------- Healing A Broken Heart by Judith Macquinn / OdoLover@swlink.net Bashir had called him into the room. There was nothing further to do. The baby was dying. Odo rushed in, straight for the vial of the cooling blue gelatinous liquid on a biotray...his beloved child. It looked very similar to when he'd first acquired it, when it had been sick. Now it was dying and there was nothing to be done. He could feel the lump in his throat, the tears in his eyes. He ignored them, and the quietly unobtrusive presence of the two concerned doctors, in order to pick up the vial holding the baby changeling. He wanted to hold it, to cradle it in his hands before it changed to ash. He wanted it to know a warm and human touch before it succumbed. But that didn't happen. The baby changeling had begun to slowly darken and turn to ash before he even had the chance to tip the vial and grief had licked at him. But before he could even express what he felt, Mora had stepped up, snatched it from his trembling hands to slam it back on the biotray and activate a stasis field over it. The stunned Odo watched as the stasis field kept the still-partially gelatinous infant changeling from desiccating further. Then rational thought left him and he had charged at the forcefield, enraged and wanting only to hold the dead infant he had fostered. He knew what Mora intended; the infant was valuable, dead or alive. Starfleet would want to study it. He could not permit that. He wanted to hold that baby...*his* baby. Hands held him back, though, hands he pushed away. Then stronger arms restrained him and he fought those, too. In a dim part of his mind, he knew they only were doing what was best for all concerned, but somehow he did not care. He railed at those hands, then turned his raw anger and grief onto the person who had instigated it. He lunged at Mora, raining blows on the oddly unmoving doctor. Pol did not defend himself at all. He shook his head at Bashir, at the concerned med-techs who congregated, at the Bajoran deputy who had heard the commotion and hurried into the Infirmary. Then he grabbed the grief-stricken constable to him, crushing him against him tightly, a deeply pained look on his face. And Odo found himself weeping helplessly on Mora's shoulder. Between him and Julian Bashir, they gave him a sedative and put him to rest in a darkened examination room in the back of the Infirmary. Rest was not to be his however. He woke some unknown quantity of time later to Kira's gentle hand squeeze and soft apology...and her softer explanation that Shakaar had signed the order for Mora to take the baby's remains back to Starfleet. He did not notice the pain in her face, nor the tightness of her words, as she spoke. He only heard the words and they succeeded in rousing him fully. He shook off her hands and stormed on a pair of unsteady legs into Bashir's office, where both doctors conferred. Bashir did not bother attempting to discuss matters, merely tapping his commbadge and requesting Sisko's presence in his office immediately. Odo welcomed this. He intended on involving anyone that could help him stop this unconscionable act. It hadn't helped. Nothing had. Despite his pleas and arguments, despite his rare and astonishing burst of passionate rhetoric in Bashir's office, despite the sympathetic Captain's attempt at direct intervention with Starfleet, the remains of the baby -- *his* baby -- had been taken from him. So it was that Odo found himself numbly walking along the corridor to his quarters, a silent Kira at his side. If he'd been more alert, he might have noted how pensive and somewhat dispirited she was. Even if he had been, though, he might have taken it as a reflection of his own mood. What he did notice, but only in an idle fashion, was that she was no longer pregnant. When had *that* happened? He recalled now that a few days ago Bashir had told him she was in labor. So...a few days. Only part of his mind found this of interest though, most of it taken up with anger and resentment...and a grief so large it seemed to be an entity of its own inside him. Neither spoke. Then they were in his quarters. He could not remember opening the door. His quarters were dark, which fit his mood, but Kira ordered soft lights and the computer obeyed her. Even at lowered levels the lights offended him somehow, but he did not feel as if he could vocalize the simplest command right now. He only wished he was a changeling, so he could simply melt and seep along the floor beneath his cupboard, there to stay in the darkness. To stay that way until the pain he felt stripping the edges of his agonizing grief had either eaten him whole or gone away. He couldn't though. He was human. He was defenseless against this pain. He'd been defenseless to keep Starfleet from taking his dead baby. He'd never felt more like *odo'ital* in his entire life. __Nothing...it turns out I *am* nothing. Nothing at all...__ So it was an absolute shock when he felt Kira gently, wordlessly, embracing him. Odo had thought his earlier bout of grief had been more than enough to dry him of tears. He thought wrong. Now he found himself actually dropping to his knees as the pain slammed into him, taking the surprisingly unconcerned major down with him until he was curled in a ball against her lap. He found himself twitching helplessly at every gentle caress of her warm hands on his face, his arms, his body. He found sobs and shudders wracking him mercilessly as Kira somehow tapped in him a seemingly bottomless reservoir of tears. He had no idea how long he cried, but eventually sleep claimed him as he was, wrapped in Kira's arms. ***** Some unknown stretch of time later, Odo woke to find his head gently cradled against Kira's chest. They were still on the carpeted floor, although now she was laying down like he was, but still holding him closely. He felt heated shame as he remembered what had happened. __I cried like a baby.__ A baby... He blinked, felt the grittiness of his eyes and swallowed. His throat was also sore. He sighed. He almost wished he would never have to move again...*ever*. He felt utterly nerveless. It was almost as if he was a changeling again in humanoid form...with no bones, nothing to hold him rigidly up but his will. His will was a vague and shapeless thing, too, right now. It was defined only by his fierce love for the woman who cradled him against her. A woman who had held him for hours in his grief, as if he was a child himself instead of a man who had lost one forever. A woman who had sharpened that grief by acting as messenger for her uncaring lover. Odo found his nerves, his bones. He moved back from Kira now as the memory of Shakaar's betrayal, conveyed through her, struck him anew. He was surprised to feel the room air made his cheek feel cold. Of course his cheek would be damp, he thought. He had been weeping for his lost child. As he carefully pulled further back, trying not to disturb Kira, though, he discovered a very large patch of darkened fabric beneath his cheek. Had he cried *that* much? His face reddened slightly, even as Kira's eyes opened and noticed him. She blinked and a small smile graced her lips. Her voice was very soft. "Odo...how are you feeling?" He blushed even more, but managed to mutter in a hoarse voice, "Fine." She nodded, reached up to run a gentle hand along his smooth face. She pulled her arm from the cool dampness on her chest that it had brushed against, and she noticed the wet stain on her uniform. "*Jzelld*." A mild Bajoran expletive. Odo frowned. To his surprise, she began to blush as well. Why should the evidence of *his* tears make *her* blush? "Kira?" She shrugged a little and managed to keep her voice light. "I'm sorry. It's...it's just my breasts are still making milk...for the baby." Odo's eyes widened in realization as she continued her soft explanation, "Julian gave me medication to help it stop, but he said it would take a week before my breasts stopped milk production. I just had the baby a few days ago so unless I express the milk, they...well...they're going to *leak*. Actually, I hate it, but otherwise they're sore as hell. I'll have to put up with it for a few more days." He considered this silently, touched that she would tell him such a private and obviously embarrassing secret when she could have simply blamed the dampness of her uniform on him. He only nodded, though. Then he hesitantly essayed, "The baby couldn't...use the milk?" He realized abruptly how intrusive his question was and wished he hadn't asked it, but Kira didn't seem to mind. "Actually he can't. I'm Bajoran and he's Human and...my milk is too complex for him to digest. If he were a few years older he could, but that doesn't help right now." Odo nodded, still a bit chagrined. "No, I suppose it wouldn't." "I wish he could though. But then again...if he could nurse and the O'Briens had allowed it, I would have a harder time letting go of him. And it is *hard*, every time I see him I still remember how he felt, kicking and turning inside me." Odo nodded again, then sighed and whispered softly, sadly. "I just wish there was something I could do. But so far I've only added to your burdens. I'm sorry, Nerys." To his surprise, Kira drew him to her and held him close. This brought his ear against the now-cool dampness of her chest, but he didn't mind. Her words were a fierce whisper. "Don't be, sweetheart. Don't be. You just lost a baby of your own. I'm just glad I could help you through it. Knowing a little of how you feel, I don't mind your 'burden', Odo. And it's not really, not at all." She stroked his back and kissed the top of his head. He could feel a plethora of emotions vying for his attention. Unadorned joy in her unconscious use of the term 'sweetheart', the unexpected comfort he found in her embrace, the bliss in being able to return it for the first time, the feeling of her pressing against him, holding him as tightly as he held her...and the flood of warmth that seemed to race to his suddenly alert and lively penis. Now he felt a growing horror to match his growing erection. Odo tried to gently move back, but Kira misunderstood his intent and brought him closer. "Don't pull away, it's all right. Don't be ashamed." He nodded and subsided, frantically thinking of possible avenues of escape. He found none. He found he was trembling now, mostly with fear, mostly with dread. "It's okay." She gently pressed another kiss on the top of his head. He blinked. She did it again, then her hold on him eased. Gratefully, he tried to move back, but her hands slipped to his face, tipping it up so she could assess him. He looked back at her, a touch fearfully. Kira smiled slightly, then to his shock, leaned close and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. He blinked again. She kissed his temple, stroked back some hair, then smiled. "You have such soft hair, Odo. I never noticed that." He shrugged a little, managing to tamp down the fear that filled him as the situation below his waist continued to develop. "I never really had hair before." "Well, it's soft...and it smells very nice." She kissed him again on the forehead. He could feel her nose bump his hairline. He could feel his rigid penis suddenly bump her thigh. He could feel a furious blush reach his neckline and flood his face. He closed his eyes and wished he were almost anywhere else. "You're trembling, sweetheart. Are you all right?" He nodded, a bit rapidly. "Do you want the temperature raised?" He shook his head. "Odo, could you say something please?" "Like...like what?" Was his voice actually that tremulous or was that just his imagination. Kira tipped his face back up. It *wasn't* his imagination then. Her dark brown eyes assessed him more thoroughly. She seemed fascinated. "You're blushing, Odo." He nodded, rather mechanically, but what else could he do? "What is it?" He shook his head again. "What, you can't tell me?" "It...it doesn't matter." She was about to respond, gently shifting a bit to get more comfortable, when her thigh suddenly pressed against that swollen part of him. He gasped and her lips shaped an 'oh' of surprise. Odo's blush *and* erection increased as she cautiously moved her thigh again, this time brushing his stiffness in a testing manner. Her head lifted as she assessed the situation with her own eyes and his closed, partly in shame, partly in an agony of pleasure. He could not help the soft moan that issued from him as she brushed him with her thigh again, fascinated and not a little startled at this unexpected development. There was a long unbroken silence and he waited in dread for his doom to befall. When her voice came, it was very soft and very certain. "You're wrong, Odo." Despite himself, he opened his eyes at this. "Wrong? About what?" "It *does* matter." "Oh." He didn't know what else to say. It was not at all what he had expected her to say. Actually, he had no idea what he expected her to say. He had no idea what he should do, either. He merely waited. Her voice grew almost...amused. "But I think the timing is *real* bad." He blinked. "Timing?" To his surprise, she smiled a little bit. "I just had a baby. Much as I might like you to make love to me...we can't just yet, that's all." He nodded before the full impact of her statement came home to him. "You *want* me to--" "We can't," she admitted now in a pained whisper, her throat growing tight with emotion. "*I* can't." "I know." He managed to whisper back, his own throat just as tight and still sore from earlier. He made himself speak the dreaded truth. "You love Shakaar." "I left Shakaar." Odo froze. Had he misheard? Left? Or had she said loved? Loved was a past tense, though. What had she said? "You--" "I left Shakaar," she repeated softly, suddenly reaching up a hand to gently stroke his hair again. "I left him after he called me and ordered me to take the baby from you. I told him...I told him I couldn't do that. He told me Starfleet threatened to cancel Bajor's application unless the baby was sent to them. Actually they called it the enemy Founder. All Edon cared about was being able to save face on the council and make the coming election. With the recent delay of admission request already causing some trouble for us with the Federation, that was enough to make him give in to anything Starfleet wanted even if it seemed wrong. But it wasn't for me." Odo considered this. "Why not?" She swallowed and nodded, then softly explained, "Because I know you, Odo. I knew you when you were a changeling and I knew you were an honorable person, no matter what you were made of, bone or blood or stone or protoplasm. And I didn't care what you were made of. But others did. I figured they were petty. But *I* knew and that was what mattered. You had feelings, I knew that, too. You've always been a compassionate person. It's one of the things I admire about you. But when Shakaar called, and tried to tell me that it was just a dead Founder...that it shouldn't matter to us -- to *you* -- anymore, then I knew he was not the man I want to associate with. Because I knew, you see, that the baby would have mattered to you. Even though I never saw it, I knew it's life and it's death mattered to you. Then I knew that *you* mattered to *me*...and I knew that what mattered to you, __mattered more to me than what Shakaar did or didn't feel__. So I told him I would pass along his request, but that it was the last thing I would ever do for him." There was another long unbroken silence and Kira waited for whatever Odo would say. When he finally spoke, his voice was very soft and very certain. __"I love you."__ Her breath caught at this and Odo didn't let her regain it. He slid up and gently pressed his lips to hers. She opened her mouth to him without hesitation and they both tasted each other for the first time. Salt from his earlier tears predominated, but another flavor, a heated piquancy, mingled on their tongues. He felt her hands touching his face, his hair, the back of his neck. He felt an intense pang of joy over the knowledge that she was free...and that she cared for him...*wanted* him. He could feel it in the possessiveness of her touch. Kira could feel Odo's length against her side, the heat of his breath on her cheek, the silken salty tang of his tongue in her mouth, and the insistent hardness that dug into the muscle of her thigh. If his words weren't enough, there was *this* impressive monument to her worth and his need for her, this very human evidence of his desire. She wanted him just as badly, she thought. Just as much and for what seemed like a very long time, but really only a recent development. Or was it? Had they not been circling each other for years in a dance of desire as ancient as the moons of Bajor and Bajor itself? Odo was very like those moons, Kira thought. Each presenting a different face, each providing another facet of light to shine on her, but each gravitating toward her nonetheless, illuminating her in all her glory, all her ugliness, all of her...and still drawn to her, much as she was to him. She had seen him now in all his phases, dipping and spinning, pulling so tantalizingly close at times and then parting from her in that timeless, ancient rhythm. Years or centuries? How long had they been doing this and did it matter so long as they finally met and shattered all the illusions and broke up the shadows with their light? Somehow Odo had seemed as eternal to her as those moons, an unchanging fixture in the recesses of her mind, in the yaw and pull of her nightly dreams. But now...now he presented himself, her human lover pressing that most private, aching turgid part of himself against her and her only recently vacated womb clenched in response, in an ancient need to be filled. A dull soreness radiated above her pelvic arch. __Too soon...__ Kira pulled back from him, not without reluctance, and spoke breathlessly. "Odo." He stopped almost instantly, staring at her, breathing heavily. She studied his face, so dear and exceedingly familiar to her and gently whispered, "We *can't* right now...remember?" "Oh." He nodded, drew in a steadying breath, tried to fight the resigned disappointment that filled him. the throbbing ache in his groin. He knew he would not be able to let that ease on it's own, because it wouldn't. He sighed, almost groaned at the irony; he finally had the opportunity to show her how he felt and he *couldn't*. Then she made a soft sound and he looked to her. "What?" He recognized the smile she bestowed on him. Kira Nerys had an idea. Part of him grew harder still at the thought as another part of him hoped whatever her idea was, he would be able to help her accomplish it. "I think I know something that we could...*do*." She shifted a bit, then gently urged him to move back, which he did. "But I think we'd be more comfortable in your bedroom." He silently got up, helped her stand. She laced her warm fingers through his and they walked to his bedroom. For all that he tended to live a somewhat Spartan existence, Odo's bed was not at all what Kira imagined. It was still the basic Cardassian frame and construction, but the silky sheets and velvety blankets were completely foreign to Cardassia. She let his hand go to gently run her hands along the odd Earthly fabrics and exult in their sensuous feel. Odo smiled. While he had not obtained the sheets and blankets with sex specifically in mind, it nonetheless had occurred to him to imagine how such activities might be enhanced with them. He had gotten them because the material had reminded him of some of the pleasure of shapeshifting...such sensual fabrics, exquisite sensations he could at least experience against his body in the privacy of his dreams if nowhere else. Waking had always brought its painful truth, but for a while, the pleasure of wrapping himself in these fabrics had helped him achieve sleep, if not dreamlessness. In fact, some of his dreams had been rendered of this fabric... His train of erotic thoughts was banished as Kira began opening her jacket. In a moment, her large, unbound breasts were before him and her jacket was on the floor. She smiled at his expression as she stepped up and worked open his own jacket. It, too, became an untidy bundle of fabric on his floor. Then she lay back against his pillows and beckoned to him. He went to her gladly, feeling he would burst with happiness, and not just the bodily pleasure that still awaited. __But we *can't*. Not yet.__ He held her closely and wondered what she wanted to do. Stroking his hair, she started to gently kiss his cheek, his ear. After a moment, he did the same to her, instinctively working his way down. He could feel her gentle hands stroking his hair and his shoulders. He lavished attention on her neck, her shoulders, her collar and the soft, soft skin of her breastbone. She pressed her thigh against that engorged part of him, still restrained within his trousers. He thought he might well explode. As he reached her warm breasts, Kira gently stopped him. He looked up and she smiled, silently urged him to reposition himself. He did so, slipping one hand around her as he let his legs slip over the edge of the bed to the side. He found himself now leaning into her lap, face at the level of her breasts. He didn't question her, his attention riveted on their mesmerizing fullness; he understood now what she wanted. He wanted it, too. Once she seemed satisfied with his position, Odo gently brushed the fingers of his free hand against the tip of one, smiled as the nipple crinkled and then he gently, ever so carefully, took her nipple in his mouth. Before he could even start to suck on it, a small stream of sweet, warm liquid filled his mouth. Odo's eyes widened and he swallowed, began to suck now and was rewarded with yet more rich, sweet milk. He was also rewarded at the sight of Kira throwing her head back and gasping with pleasure. Her hands, stroking his hair and face and cheeks, suddenly held him closer to her. He sucked harder, closed his eyes in pleasure at the knowledge that not only was it gratifying to Kira, but it helped ease her discomfort. This *was* a good idea, he idly thought, sighing as he warmed to his task, the hand he had behind her caressing the small of her back and the other gently rubbing the breast he wasn't nursing. Then Odo felt one of Kira's hands carefully unfastening the gathers of his trousers and opened his eyes. Before he could say anything, Kira had gently extricated his swollen penis from it's confines and was gently caressing it with the palm of her hand. His head swam and he shuddered in her arms, but he didn't stop his careful nursing. That warm hand made its way further down. He could feel it gently fondle his scrotum, tantalizingly press along his perineum, then work it's way back up again to close around his erection. Odo's hips pushed against this exquisite friction. Kira answered his unconscious response by tightening her grip around his swollen penis and stroking it in time to his own sucking rhythm. Steady pulses of pleasure washed over him, surges of sweet, warm milk filled his mouth. He sucked a bit harder, was rewarded with the same from her unselfish hand. Her other hand stroked his hair, caressed his face. Kira bent slightly and kissed Odo's temple. He met her dark-eyed gaze with his own loving blue eyes. She smiled at him, never stopping her insistent strokes. His breath caught and he pulled himself from her, threw his head back, as his orgasm abruptly tore through him. He could feel the heated spatters against his belly, shuddered as her hand continued to gently massage him, fingers stroking along his sensitive tip. Another rivulet surged up to baptize them and he gasped for breath. After a moment he caught it and to Kira's delight, merely sighed deeply then turned his attention to her other breast. He never truly lost his erection, aroused beyond measure by the tenderness and newness of their experience. He allowed Kira to content herself by touching him, massaging his creamy semen into his skin. Despite the fact they did not share intercourse, the experience was amazingly erotic and intensely intimate. Odo had never felt closer to Kira or to anyone. For the second time in his life, he fell asleep in someone's arms, her arms, and for the first time in his life, he woke up in the morning beside someone he loved. Their shared intimacies continued in this vein for almost a week as her body gently returned to normal and healed from the birthing. His own aching heart slowly recovered from having been torn and salted by the death of his child and it's being taken away. The balm for their wounds they found in each other in those days of desire and precious nights of touching. Kira could not imagine how she'd never guessed at the depths of passion, the strength of Odo's love for her, and her own for him. Odo could not imagine how making love to Kira could be any more intense, any more tender, than what they'd been sharing for five incredible days and nights. On the sixth day of their romance, Kira gently and lovingly showed him how it could be. And on the seventh day Odo asked Kira to marry him. ~~ the end ~~